Franklin Veaux, an ex-partner of Cherie, says he, too, is hardwired to be a polyamorist."Why does the princess or the prince who lives in a castle have to choose? "There is enough room for everyone." He keeps in touch with Cherie through instant messaging, although they are not romantically linked right now.
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Jenny Block often invites her best friend, Jemma, to join her, her husband, and their 8-year-old daughter for dinner.
"We might order Chinese and then play Scrabble after dinner," Block says. She simply couldn't get everything she needed -- sexually, physically, or emotionally -- from just her husband.
Polys are not apt to be bored in other areas of life, either. Some say they learn something about relationship skills from their other partner or partners, something that can be applied with the primary partner, she says. "When I'm actively exploring multiple relationships, balancing my time and energy is usually the most difficult part,'' says Cherie." It can also be particularly draining if more than one of my partners has a crisis in their lives that they ask my assistance with, such as supporting them through a career change, family illness, problems in other relationships, or other challenging times." But if the other person has multiple partners, she says, they also have the benefit of getting multiple sources of help.
Handling the "fear response" in partners can be an issue, says Chris.
"Over the years," she tells Web MD, "I have been involved with a very wide variety of relationships and configurations, from triads, vees, quads, and extended networks.
At one time, I even co-purchased a house with three other partners." Her partner, Chris, says that his heart is "wired" for multiple relationships."Everybody adds value to my life." Those who pursue an "open" or polyamorous relationship are obviously not conventional types, says William Doherty, Ph D, director of the marriage and family therapy program at the University of Minnesota, St. "There are always some people who want to push the limits of their experiences -- their joy, their ecstasy in life," he says. Those who pursue multiple relationships simultaneously, Doherty says, say they are capable of many loves and passion and that "artificial cultural constraints" tell them they should restrict their love and passion to just one person.Polyamorists, to their credit, are often open about it, Doherty says.They regularly go out on "dates," although Block's daughter knows only that Jemma is a family friend. Limiting love, she says, doesn't seem normal to her.The term "open marriage," coined by the late George and Nena O'Neill in their 1972 book of the same name, has been expanded as more couples choose to follow the concept without getting married."There is a kind of idealism around these folks," he says.