You're short-term, long-distance, and non-monogamous? And you're telling me you're happy with this?" "Um, yes," I said, weirded out at having to defend my relationship choices.
I told the group about my book The New Rules Of Attraction and my organization the Sirens Seduction Forum, and how I studied pickup artistry in order to teach women a set of tools to be proactive about creating the love lives they want by approaching the men they desire in a way in which they can build attraction, create emotional connection, and form healthy relationships in which they add value to their partners' lives and get their needs met in return.
Obviously the first thing out of the Rules ladies' mouths at me was that I should never, ever, ever approach a guy, and that my doing so was why I hadn't found one who had committed to me yet.
The other day I was contacted by a journalist from New York Magazine who wanted a few PUAs and a few old school dating authors to join in on a teleconference so she could interview us as a group for their upcoming sex issue.
The final lineup was me, my pal and mentor Adam Lyons, Ken Hoinsky (of Kickstarter scandal reknown), Zan Perrion, and Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein, the authors of the early 90s dating tome The Rules, who are back in 2013 with a new book called Not Your Mother's Rules, since the original book was written for a society which communicated solely by landline phones, pagers, answering machines, and carrier pigeons.
They apologized and said that "no one called me a slut" and they were "sorry if it came off that way." I sent them this article to educate them on slut-shaming, and they replied that they "don't discuss slut shame" because they "don't use words like that." I got slut-shamed by Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein, the authors of The Rules, over teleconference today.
According to them, neither I nor any of my poly friends could possibly be happy being non-monogamous, I have low self-worth and daddy issues if that's what I think I deserve, and I'm either fucked up or in denial for saying I'm not interested in marriage.
They averred that it's okay to not do The Rules while you're young and messing around having fun, but that when you want to actually get serious about your life, then it's time to put them into practice. Surely you wouldn't have a problem having guys approach you." Okay, let's unpack this here.
They said they wouldn't judge a woman for wanting to hook up when she's young. ' Tell her that sex between a man and a woman is a beautiful thing, that anything you do when you are in love is wonderful and special, but that .'" "Oh right, but that's what we tell mothers to say to their teenagers, not to grown women." "But those teenagers are going to be grown women one day, and those beliefs, given to them by their major caretakers, are going to stay with them! "Look honey, you're in this long-distance non-monogamous relationship, and you're settling for that because that's all you think you deserve. One day when you're ready, come to us, and we'll sit down and have a chat about what happened with Daddy and why it's made you so sad and desperate." I kid you not. I don't need to call out what's so awful about The Rules (Jezebel did it already, and more snarkily), and anyway I made my position clear about how I feel about advice that advocates female passivity and glorifies idleness in TNROA. Today, these two authors who have spent the past twenty years purporting this sexist crap went out of their way to attempt to humiliate me and make me feel bad about myself in front of my peers and the press.
(John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, was also supposed to join but was ultimately unable due to scheduling conflicts.) We were asked to introduce ourselves and divulge our relationship statuses and orientations.